Age-Appropriate Fine Dining: When to Start Taking Kids to Upscale Restaurants

Starting young is the key to enjoying fine dining with the entire family. But it's also never too late to decide that you'd like for the kids to join you and your partner on your culinary experiences. Here are some tips that I've learned as my kids have grown for including children at different ages and stages in your upscale dining. Depending on your children's ages, try them out, and see how they work for your family. If they are successes, try moving on to the next stage. If they don't work out so well, give the previous level a try in order to build confidence and experience. Before you know it, your kids will be growing into young adults who are working their way through tasting menus at Michelin restaurants across the world with you!

A Fancy Night In

For children under age 5, a fun way to gauge their preparedness for a fine dining experience is to have a "pretend" fancy diner at home. This can be as dramatic as you'd like, but I'd recommend going full-out to make it a fun, realistic experience. Get out a tablecloth, silverware, and nice china. Cook multiple courses (especially dessert!) that can be presented with flourish, and be sure to include ingredients that will stretch your little one's palettes. After all, that is the purpose of this practice session! Set the mood with quiet music. If you can trade off a favor with friends, have them serve as the the host and waiter/waitress for the evening, and then you can do so for them when they are having their Fancy Night In with their kids.

Make sure to set the expectation with your kids that they must stay seated the entire time, that voices can't be raised, and utensils aren't toys. If you are aware of any other specific struggles, then this is a great time to target those trouble areas. Remember, this is a meal with no devices. So while devices may be used at other times and in other restaurants, this is a special occasion. Certain restaurants are too fancy for devices, so we enjoy our food and company together without them. This also helps kids to recognize that this truly is something that sets these locations and events apart from others, even though they are "places where we are served food."

This doesn't have to be a one time thing. Depending on the age of your children, it can be done once a quarter or twice a year to help train them up with appropriate expectations. It should be a fun celebration. As your kids get older they may even enjoy helping to plan the menu.

Fancy Family Night Out

Depending on where your family lives and how your children behave when they are out to diner, once they are a little older (about 5-8) they are probably ready to try a nice family dinner out. What sets this apart from other family diners out is the setting (choosing something a little on the fancier side) and the expectations (something more like what I've described above with staying seated during diner, using no devices (including parents), no loud voices). If you live in a more rural area, then this option and the ones below may need to be saved for times when you travel to areas with more dining options. That's okay! It just makes the event even more special.

This type of night out can be done over and over again and is the best practice for learning appropriate dining behavior. It will teach your children to be excellent dining companions, and other restaurant patrons will absolutely give you compliments on your children. Honestly, few things have made me a more proud parent than strangers complimenting my children's behavior in a restaurant, especially in this day and age.

Celebration Time

When your kids reach upper elementary to middle school age (8-12), they are probably ready to start celebrating birthdays and accomplishments at more upscale dining establishments such as local steak restaurants. This will give them an opportunity to really practice everything they have learned about etiquette and appropriate dining behavior. At this point they should have the wherewithal to order for themselves and carry a conversation through dinner.... or at least be well on their way.

These dinners can happen as often as you like or as finances allow. When we were a young couple, this type of dinner happened once a year on our anniversary, and we savored it. It's a great training ground for younger kids to understand fine dining with a reasonable budget and usually a kids' menu, however I would encourage older children to explore the regular menu to develop their palette. The atmosphere also tends to be slightly more forgiving than the next level we'll be discussing.

Michelin-level Fine Dining

The ultimate family achievement is Michelin-level fine dining, which I would usually recommend once your kids are at least aged 13. Many Michelin restaurants have age minimums or don't allow children at all. You should always check where you're going first. There are others that welcome children, and a handful that even have children's menus. I have found that dining at lunch (or brunch, if that is an option) is a great stepping stone for children. There tends to be slightly less formality at lunch service than at dinner service. The attire is also less formal, which can be easier for families.

Another thing we have found easier for our family is restaurants that have standard menus rather than tasting menus. We have done standard menus, tasting menus, and blind tasting menus as a family. The blind tasting menu was by far the greatest adventure we've embarked upon, and we waited until our kids were 13 and 15 to give it a try. We had A LOT of talks about expectations, about willingness to try strange things, and where we'd draw boundaries. In the end it went amazingly well. But it was also their third Michelin restaurant, so we'd worked our way up.

If you have the means, then bringing your family to a location that you have been to before would be an excellent choice. Otherwise, do your research ahead of time so that you are well prepared. You can find the answers to many of your questions on the restaurant's website, and any restaurant will welcome a phone call from you with any additional questions you may have. Service is their greatest priority, and they will answer you in a straightforward manner and offer any reasonable accommodations that are within their standards. And finally, remember to have fun! Pick a location that the entire family will enjoy. If it's not a good fit, don't force it. Review the menu for items that will appeal to everyone, if possible. And go into dinner with a cheerful spirit and the excitement that a meal of this quality warrants.

Do you have other ideas for age-appropriate fine dining? Share them on our Facebook group!

Bon appétit!